Dishonor
by Espurrcat
Summary: "If he ever heard her utter her forgiveness, he might just lose it, because she didn't know that he continued to dishonor her every single night...And there was just no way in hell he'd stop." A Gajeel guilt/self-love fic with hints of GaLe.


_**I do not own Fairy Tail; I just like to do really creepy things with Hiro Mashima's lovely characters, apparently. **_

He thought about it every day. At least, ever since joining Fairy Tail.

It whispered rampantly through his subconscious, demanding - no, screaming for repentance. And the weak voice that resided only his mind would yell back, "How?! How could I ever atone for something so disgraceful?"

It would strike at him at the most random of times, whether he was training with Pantherlily, drinking in the guild hall, or attempting some semblance of rest in the dead of night.

He decided he couldn't _not_ think about it every single day.

She was a beacon of all that was good and kind, pure Fairy Tail spirit, and because he once dared mar that spirit, he must lash the whip of that devastating memory across his heart in self-flagellation like a fanatically religious servant worshipping a goddess. To not, would dishonor her.

He figured she had no idea of the daily penance he inflicted upon himself, in order to feel worthy enough simply being by her side. If she had, there was no doubt she'd look up at him with those damnable eyes that looked to him like melting fucking _gold _and she'd try to dismiss everything right then and there.

So he had to act Iron Dragon Slayer cool, since the bluenette was too damned perceptive for her own good. Somehow, after brutalizing her, humiliating her and her close friends, tarnishing her honor - he's already atoned in her eyes. And how? Simply saving her from cleaner deaths than he would have given her?

There was just no way he could let the little fairy have any insight of the turmoil that raged just beneath a cool, steel exterior. If he ever heard her utter her forgiveness, he might just lose it, because she didn't know that he continued to dishonor her every single night...

And there was just no way in hell he'd stop.

* * *

It was just so fucking sick, this need of his.

The thought didn't linger long, however, as flashes of a deliciously pale stomach superimposed themselves on the blackness of his eyelids, distracting him from any rationale.

He kept his eyes clenched tight, the solid grip around his twitching member tighter. A shaking fist tangled itself in the sheets of his bed, his whole body straining against the effort it took not to come so quickly. He needed it; he needed her to stay longer, even if only in his fantasies.

He let his hand relax around his cock a little and kept his strokes light and ghosting, moving the fingers of his other hand to idly play with the area just above his balls.

The dragon slayer delved back into the darkness of his fantasy once again, pushing the gnawing guilt aside for the night and embracing the rumbles of thundering desire the mere thought of that tiny fairy girl stirred within him.

He hadn't enjoyed hurting her and her friends. It was merely an obligation he felt he must fulfill to assert Phantom Lord's dominance over the previously rivaling guild. So even though he didn't balk at the task, it wasn't as if he took pleasure from it. Right?

...he was able to fool himself for all of a whole day after becoming her comrade. After her scent began invading his senses, after her sweet laugh was always ringing in his ears, after he was only able to see smudges of blue when he closed his eyes. That's when his charade began to fall apart.

He started remembering, every night, how fiercely she had struggled against him, still somehow only worrying about the well-being of her two already-crucified teammates as he was pinning her in between them with his iron magic.

Gajeel had wasted no time in finishing his objective, picking up the small pot of paint he had brought with him and sloppily leaving Phantom Lord's mark upon the girl's stomach. She kicked at him the entirety of the time, and all he could do was laugh at her feeble attempts of rebellion.

He liked that he was able to bring out the fighting spirit in her, felt proud, even, that he was the iron that struck the fire in those gold-tinged orbs as she glared so defiantly at him.

"You'll pay for this, you bastard! Fairy Tail won't back down!"

Somehow he didn't think obscenities fell from those candy-pink lips very often, but he decided he also liked being to one to elicit them. He remembered something snapped then and his only response - and by the Gods, he didn't know how he couldn't stop himself - was to bring his hands to that tempting, tiny waist. He encircled her easily, reveling in the silky feeling of the skin encasing the taut stomach muscles. He held her like that for a bit longer than necessary as the tremors she couldn't contain wracked her petite frame.

_She was utterly terrified of him. _

Well, of course she was. The thought left a bitter taste on his tongue as he looked down upon the blackness marring the ivory of her skin- _his mark _- an unbearable feeling of possession crashing into him. Finally he was able to snap out of whatever enchantment she must have cast on him and left without ever looking back.

Gajeel thought about that encounter every day, remorse seeping into all the empty spots of his soul that had formed during his stay at Phantom Lord. And then, he begun to think about it every night, letting the guilt evaporate as a far stronger, hotter emotion licked at the edges of his subconscious - _lust._

* * *

His pace had begun to quicken again, his experienced fingers pushing the satin skin firmly up and down against the hardness of his cock.

The thought of that pale, quivering frame as he ran his hands over her firm navel was ever-present at the fore-front of his mind as the dragon slayer worked himself through the frenzy of his passions. He moved his non-stroking hand to pull down on the skin at the base of his penis until the skin became taut. His other hand had ceased in its previous, erratic ministrations and he formed a "C" shape with thumb and index finger, working just below the tip of his head in quick, twisting motions.

The silence previously enveloping his room was now punctuated with the occasional hisses of inward breaths, the sounds of barely-constrained groans and feral growls.

He felt his control slipping rapidly and with one last jerky movement, brought himself to his peak, the creamy white elixir of his own ejaculation spilling across his body.

The Iron Dragon Slayer lay silently again on his bed for a few moments, before deciding to clean up before the pull of post-orgasm lulled him finally into slumber. The last coherent thought in his stormy head was not the body that enticed him so and sent him into such secret frenzies, but instead a brilliant, trusting smile and flashes of sky-blue.

"I'm such a sick fuck."

* * *

**AN: Uhh, yup. That happened. My first Fairy Tail fic is about Gajeel masturbating. The idea for this originally started as me wondering if Gajeel ever thought about his attack on Shadow Gear and then turned into...this. Wat. It's kind of rushed because I just felt the need to get it out, but I hope it still brings entertainment to some. Let me know and review : )**


End file.
